We are thankful for our friends and family who endure our weaknesses daily as we learn to imitate Christ.
We are thankful for our spiritual family who must do the same as we sojourn in the bond of peace towards the new city of unending joy.
We are thankful for the government’s role in our community keeping us safe and secure and we are even thankful for its inefficiencies, for it gives us an opportunity to remember our own personal responsibilities. Our hope is not in princes.
We are thankful for the hundreds and hundreds of volunteers that have come to labor along side of us during a trying season of life.
We are thankful for the yearly cyclone reminders of who controls all things.
We are thankful for all who have donated goods and services to us and for those who have given to us monetarily.
We are thankful for community organizations that are not ashamed to serve openly under the banner of the living God.
We are thankful for the church.
We are thankful for food and shelter no matter how meager it may be for against the world’s standards the United States is still extremely rich.
We are thankful for having clothes to wear and clean water. We are thankful for liberty and the means to operate freely despite her receding glow.
We are thankful for your prayers. We are thankful for the Trinity’s unstoppable work in our lives. Thank you Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. May we press on till the final coming.
Experientialism is a mighty juggernaut plowing through contemporary religion. Its attractive helmet hits headlong into foundational truth where God’s revelation trumps perceived notions of His actions through and around the church. These two candidates stand in great opposition for those seeking a guidepost in determining their way, for not all things experienced are all things true. We are warned to test the spirits and to exercise discernment for false teachers and wolves live and breath among us. Few actually do.
Felt-needs and personal preferences are main highways where experience travels at high speeds regardless of what the Word of God might have to say. One can hear the cries of exasperation, “Surely what I feel can’t be wrong! What do you mean it doesn’t matter what I saw?!” Sensory theology trumps real doctrine as “what I feel” has become “what I know”, never mind that it goes against Scripture.
Those who have much invested in their experiential theology are usually not open to being challenged. To question their experience is, in their minds, to question their spirituality. If one were to dismantle an experience that they’ve put so much hope and joy into, it is tantamount to calling them an unbeliever. At least that’s mostly how they react.
However, Scripture alone should be our ultimate authority in determining truth and truth should help us organize our practice. To do otherwise is to lean into the mystic camp and build bonfires around gnostic ceremonies.
May we flee what is of self and cling to what is truly of Him.
I was raised in a Roman Catholic family, brought up on a system of morals and law. Jesus, it was said, died for the sins of the world and if I were to believe that truth and be a ‘good’ person by being faithful to the Church and to God’s law, I should see heaven or at least make it to Purgatory. Yet, somewhere in my mid-teens I saw a problem with a benevolent and loving God who seemed powerless to help those around me who needed Him the most. During that adolescent time my sister was diagnosed with an incurable neuromuscular disease called Friedreich’s Ataxia – a degenerative disorder that eventually leads to premature death. So as I wrestled with the implications of her permanent disability and my theology, I began to ask what seemed to me to be the obvious, “If God is all-powerful and all-loving, then why this?”
Answers came from various areas and channels of philosophical persuasion, but no one gave me a Scriptural answer. I received the padded answers that are more connected with making God out to be not-so-bad rather than the revealed answers of the Bible. I’m sure you have heard them before – “God has a plan.”, “There are some mysteries we just don’t understand.”, “She can be healed if she just has enough faith.” and “This is the devil’s work not God’s.” All of these responses are commonly given to struggling sojourners and unbelieving denizens in a hopeful attempt to appease their grief and heartache, yet they are misguided replies.
The truth is that this world is under the curse of sin and death and with that comes diseases, disasters and heinous crime.(Gen. 2:17; Rom. 1:17ff) The better question to ask is whether or not God is obligated to do something about it. Is He obligated to cure all diseases? Is He obligated to prevent every murder and rape and theft? Is God obligated to stop every war? Certainly, He is all-powerful so why doesn’t He? If we answer that He is obligated, then God has failed and if we answer that He doesn’t intervene because of our lack of faith or works, then we are more powerful than God for we can thwart His will.
However, the biblical answer is that God is not obligated to show mercy towards sinners; that is why we call it mercy. (Exodus 33:19;Rom. 9:15) Obligated mercy is duty, not grace and since everyone is guilty before God for every person falls short of the required obedience to the Law (Rom. 3:23; James 2;10), He owes us nothing. (Dan. 4:35) In His benevolent grace and chosen mercy, He does aid humanity for He restrains judgment upon mankind in His supreme patience so that all who will hear can hear the Word of Reconciliation in the preaching of the gospel. As a result, this world is not as wicked as it could be through divine intervention. It is the purpose and joy of the church to bring the good news of His mercy found in Christ to a condemned race for ”He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.” (John 3:18)
There is much controversy in the church today about the gifts of the Spirit. Interestingly, those who advocate that the mode and operation of spiritual gifts has not changed since Pentecost primarily focus on the gift of tongues as their anointing litmus test. Yet, the apostle Paul says that tongues were low on the gifting totem pole (1 cor. 12:28-31; 14:5) and specifically that this supernatural ability was given temporarily to the church as a judgment sign to unbelievers (1 cor. 14;20-22) that the Lord had condemned and cut off Israel, just as He had promised in the days of Ephraim and Isaiah.
Another belief that is carried into this century regarding spiritual gifts is the idea that there exists special prophetic ministries touring the planet offering to heal people of various diseases and to deliver them from whatever demon is either assaulting or possessing them. Now, let me be clear on this point. I do believe that God can and still does heal us of our sicknesses and diseases today. What I contend, however, is that He doesn’t do it in the same manner as some advocate. God, if He so wills, can and has cured folks of their diseases and ailments. What I deny is that there are those living today who possess anything that resembles the power of the Spirit that we see in the New Testament to heal sickness. That was a special gifting given to the primitive church as a sign of the inauguration of the Kingdom of Christ on earth.
Benny Hinn is an extremely well-known proponent of what I call “hyper-charismatapagania” – the imitation of the work of the Spirit in paganistic forms. Here is a quote from a recent interview that was posted at FoxNews.com.
“I’m not one that can discern every little problem with people. So if someone comes up and says that I have cancer and the cancer is gone …often I’ve said, “Go back to your doctor and make sure that you are truly cured” (on healings in his ministry, transcribed from the video interview)
“They question me on why I don’t verify (these miracles),” Hinn says. “I answer, ‘God never called me to verify. I’m not a doctor.’” None of his comments even come close to echoing biblical fidelity. Hinn never preaches the gospel nor does he speak as a man of God. Instead, he preaches materialism wrapped in a slice of culture-Christ.
Below, you will find an interesting video that shows what is put forth as the anointing of the Holy Spirit and the power of God among His people – bodies shaking, uncontrollable laughter, people falling backwards to the floor and continuous ramblings in jib-jab speech patterns.
There are no examples in Scripture that match such spectacles as true manifestations of God in the Body of Christ. Instead, these happenings have much more in common with ungodly spirits and trances. Examine it for yourself.
As Americans, we have abundant food resources that reflect the bounty of the Lord’s provision. Daily, we consume a wide variety of foods from whole wheat crackers and hickory grilled fish to bottled spring water and freshly squeezed juice. Our shelves and stores and warehouses and restaurants all testify to sufficient supply.
Beyond mere provision, flavors, too, are a gift from God. After the Fall in Eden, He was under no obligation whatsoever to make our foods taste good; and yet, they do.
While we eat and drink to rejuvenate ourselves through divinely designed functions created to sustain us, the lure of a satisfied palate can become the doorway to overindulgence. That doorway can become a road to idolatry as the temptation of flavor and ‘food comfort’ supersedes self-control. Instead of fresh grilled fish we dream about fast food tacos. Rather than spring water we consume gallons of soft drinks and corn syrup enriched liquids that stress our systems. Not only do our choices tend to lean towards unhealthy foods, but our ability to step away from the table wavers as well. Food is our fuel and temptation.
After the completion of Christ’s atoning work at Calvary, all Old Testament dietary laws and restrictions were lifted. (Colossians 2:16ff) The cornucopia has been laid before us through the sacrifice of Christ and we should be joyful with each bite we take. “..Everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with gratitude; for it is sanctified by means of the word of God and prayer.” (1 Timothy 4:4-5)
As the holiday season quickly approaches, let us be reminded about the joy of food and her lure. While we can experience great culinary heights in the consumption of wonderful foods we must remember moderation. Food brings us together as a people and a Body, but self-control is living in the Spirit. Overindulgence is sin.
The celebratory goodness in feast and festival is of God, but the glutton should put a knife to his neck. (Proverbs 23:2)
Last time we saw that God’s love of mankind found in the provision of the gospel of Christ stands in contrast to His hatred of sinners and sin alike. (Psalms 5, 11; Proverbs 6) The Lord rescues sinners from eternal condemnation, not miscellaneous sins. God, as the righteous judge of all things, sentences the workers of iniquity to the fiery pit as their just reward. (Romans 2:1-6) Over time, most evangelicals have lost any real understanding of exactly what they are supposed to be saved from. With the advent of self-help psychology and rampant feel-good theology finding its way into once biblically-based teaching, there has been an overemphasis of good news. The problem, however, is that without the wrath of God as the backdrop of Calvary, Christ becomes merely a murdered man instead of the Savior having suffered for all the sins of His people. This truth relates to our final cliché in this series – “The Lord will not give you more than you can handle.”
There is no doubt that from a purely experiential vantage point this is a false claim. How many times have you been completely overwhelmed by life? How often have you had to seek counsel and aid and advice and resources from others just to get by? Is it not true that while we may experience a certain degree of independence, we are still hopelessly interdependent; relying upon others in times of great need? Surely, Katrina taught us that.
So where did this saying come from? I’m fairly confident that its origin is another Scriptural misquote. This time, it is a butchering of 1 Corinthians 10:13-14 –“No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.”
The apostle Paul’s admonishment to flee idolatry is predicated on the promise that God will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can handle; instead, He will always provide us with a way of escape so as not to fall into sin. This passage says nothing about God not allowing us to endure a trial or suffering beyond what we can endure for if this were the case who would ever have suffered martyrdom? Also, we are well-covered in one-another verses in the New Testament as God has prepared that our new family in Christ would comfort us and help provide for our needs.(Romans 12:10-16) If we were supposed to be somehow protected from being overburdened then why would we need each other at all?
On the contrary, the power of Christ is seen clearly in our weakness. Paul instructs us that it is good to be content with insults, distresses, persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ, for in our frailty God is mighty. (2 Corinthians 12:5:10)
May we all learn to live lowly and rejoice in our infirmities for it is in our darkest hour that God’s grace in Christ is the most lovely jewel in our lives.
Yesterday was a unique numerical day. If I were inclined to love zany Zeitgeist theories and Van Impe fantasy tales, I would have taken out my binoculars and searched the horizon for an upside down Antichrist leaping from Harpo’s latest infomercial broadcast. Instead, I tuned into a virtual leadership conference called The Nines.
I confess that at first, it seemed really nerdy and just another attempt at being ‘cool’ and some of the names I saw in the lineup were folks that I do not believe have a firm grasp of either the gospel or church. Then I thought about it from a technological standpoint. I looked at it as a unique use of a great time in history where how we communicate with each other changes so fast, that by the time you learn one niche, it seems to be obsolete. Every advance in technology is met with both awe and criticism. I remember when I was in college and cell phones looked like those huge GI Joe battle radios and people thought it was absolutely ridiculous to have one. Only the wealthy had them and very few saw what was coming down the pike re: tiny hand-held flip phones and text message mania.
So now we’re here in multi-platformed communique where if you can’t use a browser you’re considered ‘out the loop’. Only dinosaurs can’t type on keyboards. So why not use these great advancements for the Kingdom? Why not embrace technology as God’s providential means of connecting us more easily to education and encouragement?
I tuned in at nine minutes to nine just to have my own little geeky fun since the conference was supposed to start at nine after nine. I watched about an hour of the conference and have assembled, in continued geek fun, a list of nine observations about The Nines.
1. The technology involved in the video stream and connectivity amazed me.
The video was seamless and the sense of being right with the speaker was attractive even though one particular speaker was so close to the cam that I felt like I was in a Seinfeld skit about close talkers.
2. The technology still needs to improve.
I have only recently entered into the Twitter zone and have been pleasantly surprised with Facebook after boycotting it for many years. While some nitwits feel compelled to broadcast every inane and boring detail of their lives through social media, I have found a great benefit in being edified by good posts and keeping up with friends and the world.
That being said, there needs to be more real time text applications. Instant messaging isn’t always very instant and the delays in postings create an un-dialogue. For this reason, I’m very much looking forward to Google Wave’s launch.
3. I kept thinking some speakers were trying too hard to be cool.
I’m not judging hearts, I’m speaking about my own perception. A danger in newness is that it tends to lead us into trendiness. Trendiness is hip at the time but can lack genuineness. If authenticity is replaced with ‘fitting in’ the smell of plasticity will overpower the message. So, if you are already hip, stay hip. If you’re a nerd, be one.
4. Having over nine thousand participants logged in is encouraging.
As the apostolic prayer requested that the gospel run rapidly through the cities (2 Thess. 3:1), what better way to spread truth than through such incredible technologies.
5. We still equate church growth with numbers and virtually ignore internal growth.
God builds His church and while we should always rejoice in more and more people coming into the Kingdom, it does not happen because of our strategy. While we should be focused on functioning well in our labors, we should be more focused on whether or not we are making true disciples.
6. I think sometimes I’m too critical of honest attempts at doing things better and in the process lose focus on what is good.
Just because someone may be overboard in their approach doesn’t mean that they have nothing good at all to say. Just because they miss the mark in one are doesn’t mean that I can’t grow from something else they may have right. Just because I agree with this doesn’t mean I won’t stop criticizing. May I do it in the right spirit.
7. Leadership is best taught by the art of do
Show them. Teach them. Identify them. Let them. Help them. Lead them. Duplication.
8. There is so much to learn.
Wherever I hear so much from so many I feel overwhelmed and it reminds me that I will be a student my entire life while at the same time teaching. We transfer from one baton to the next what has been given to us to learn and pass on. Mentoring facilitates discipling.
9. Nine really is a good number.
Short, simple and clear means more effectiveness especially in front of the backdrop of busyness. We spend far too much time being distracted and much less time staying focused. The Nines helped me remember to focus more precisely.
In the previous post, we looked at the oft-used phrase “Judge not lest you be judged.” Most people utilize this verse as an escape from being judged themselves, without ever understanding its true biblical context and application. All throughout Scripture, we see both the need to discern correctly (judge) and the need to avoid hypocrisy when examining and criticizing others. What God forbids is not judging itself, but, rather, doing so superficially, arrogantly and with a double-standard.
The next frequently used cliché involves God’s attitude towards sin and sinners – “God loves the sinner but hates the sin.” This statement is used without reservation in most Christian circles as if it was a biblical truth, but is it? The testimony of Scripture will show us differently.
A common error is to over-emphasize a particular attribute of God and in our current culture no one attribute is more talked about than God’s love. Love, however, is spoken of in variant degrees and types in Scripture and in the English language the word ‘love’ is extremely weak and multi-definitional. We say that we love our car, we love ice cream, love the Saints, love God and love our children all with the same word; however, the meaning in each case is radically different. Surely no one wants to argue that they love God in the same manner, meaning and measure that they love their automobile. Hence, ‘love’ is too broad and too blanketed to be used precisely in describing God’s relationship to sinners for most certainly the love of God extended to the man who is condemned to eternal punishment in hell is most certainly not the recipient of unending grace and mercy.
The book of Psalms declares that, “The LORD tests the righteous, but the wicked and the one who loves violence His soul hates. Upon the wicked He will rain coals; Fire and brimstone and a burning wind shall be the portion of their cup.” (Psalm 11:5-6) God’s wrath and hatred towards those who practice evil is often underemphasized making passages such as these seem quite foreign and harsh; yet without the bad news of impending judgment and condemnation the good news of the Gospel is made unnecessary. Proverbs says that the LORD hates those who are arrogant and spread discord among the brethren (Proverbs 6:16-19) and Psalm 5 clearly states that God takes no pleasure in wickedness, therefore the boastful shall not stand in His sight for He hates all workers of iniquity abhorring the bloodthirsty and deceitful.
So if we are to stay consistent in our understanding and true to the text of Scripture we must maintain that God is angry at sin and sinner alike. Hell will not be full of miscellaneous sins it will be the eternal dwelling place of sinners who refuse to turn from sin and put their trust in the complete forgiveness of God found in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
God loved humanity by offering up His only begotten Son at Calvary so that convicted sinners may escape their just reward but the degree of that affection is tempered by the free will of Him who alone extends mercy.
Along our walk of faith we find and learn Christian clichés – those pesky little phrases that emerge from the colloquial pond as tried and true nuggets of wisdom supposedly drawn from timeless biblical truth, but in the end, turn out to be more rooted in human imagination than in divine understanding.
Three such impostors making the top of the chart are these – “We should not judge others”, “God loves the sinner but hates the sin”, and “the Lord will not give you more than you can handle.” These sayings are repeated often in an attempt to spread wisdom and comfort in life through advice and conservation; however, are they really accurate? Do these comments have their root in God or man?
We will take a look at each statement over the next few weeks and examine it biblically to see if it stands or falls. First, let’s look at: We should not judge others.
“Judge not lest you be judged” is probably the most abused statement by both believers and unbelievers alike being thrown around in debates and arguments more frequently than a well-worked pizza crust. It is found in the gospel of Matthew – “Do not judge so that you will not be judged.” Matthew 7:1 Certainly, on the surface this looks rather compelling. However, context is the text in which God breathed out His Word and so we must capture the essence of the passage by expanding our view to the next verses. Here’s what happens when we do:
“Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-5
When the entire context is considered, the actual thrust of this warning passage turns out to be speaking directly to those who are hypocritical in their judgments. Take the log out of your own eyes first and then you will be able to see clearly. The command here is a call to self-examination of sin, not a call to cease judging others. Keep in mind also that judging here is about discernment not condemnation. God alone condemns.
Other passages help us to see our rightful role in judging, such as John 7:24, where Christ, in dealing with supposed Sabbath law violations said, “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” Paul spoke about our need to judge small legal matters and disputes in 1 Corinthians 6:3 ” Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more matters of this life?”
All throughout Scripture we see both the need to discern correctly and to the need to avoid hypocrisy. Learn to judge through having the same mind of Christ and exercise humility through patience and peace.
When in relational communication with others, we should seek to cultivate humility by understanding our inherent bias. (Jeremiah 17:9) None of us has perfect recall, especially when involved in conflict. (Proverbs 18:17) God requires that all facts be established by two and three witnesses; not a single account. (Deut. 19:5) And lastly, we should massage humility by being suspicious of ourselves, knowing that there are always three conversations – the one you heard, the one they heard and the one that actually took place. Rarely do they match.
To these I’d like to add another communicative caution. When seeking to understand we must avoid what I call the erroneous presumption of fruit inspection. Jesus said, “…every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit.” (Matthew 7:17-18) Many believers take this passage and combine it with this Scripture, “For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.” (Matthew 12:34) The notion then is that when someone speaks we can somehow inspect the fruit and determine their heart motive. While in general this might be true; it is only true non-specifically. For example if someone is yelling and screaming at you, the mere loudness and intensity doesn’t say anything more than that they are, at that moment, not calm and gentle. However, you have no idea exactly where their heart is without first asking them what is wrong. They could be angry, fearful, annoyed, frustrated or excitedly announcing a problem; one would have to first ask questions to find out the true heart of the matter. Yet, routinely and habitually, we make instant assessments as to someone’s real motives and routinely and consistently we are wrong.
There can be many and complicated reasons for why someone is saying or doing what they are during an encounter, but we tend to pick the motive and presumption that fits our preconceived notions, bias and past experience. This is why it is so hard for people to converse cleanly. No one wants to take each event individually and of its own merit; we are baggage carriers by nature. To be sure, there is wisdom in recognizing past patterns and consistent failings; yet, there is also tremendous danger in judging the heart on the past or unconfirmed present.
It is not difficult to see then, that when you add bitterness and gossip to this corrupted conversational mix; things get ugly fast. Not only have you believed and processed something based on hearsay, but you are also spreading that to others and the infection spreads. This is a major challenge since true humility sees itself of no consequence and is not easily offended. Love is the coating by which all else flows and without which, we are mere hyper-jackals seeking only self-interests.
There’s an old saying out there – “No one cares what you know, till they know how much you care.” Through God-given humility we can take a real interest in one another, lay low in our hearts and seek to aid someone else’s spiritual well-being by applying these ideas and principles in our relationships. May God grant us these things in grand abundance.
We are thankful for our friends and family who endure our weaknesses daily as we learn to imitate Christ.
Posted by ostrakinos 
Posted by ostrakinos 
I was raised in a Roman Catholic family, brought up on a system of morals and law. Jesus, it was said, died for the sins of the world and if I were to believe that truth and be a ‘good’ person by being faithful to the Church and to God’s law, I should see heaven or at least make it to Purgatory. Yet, somewhere in my mid-teens I saw a problem with a benevolent and loving God who seemed powerless to help those around me who needed Him the most. During that adolescent time my sister was diagnosed with an incurable neuromuscular disease called Friedreich’s Ataxia – a degenerative disorder that eventually leads to premature death. So as I wrestled with the implications of her permanent disability and my theology, I began to ask what seemed to me to be the obvious, “If God is all-powerful and all-loving, then why this?”
However, the biblical answer is that God is not obligated to show mercy towards sinners; that is why we call it mercy. (Exodus 33:19;Rom. 9:15) Obligated mercy is duty, not grace and since everyone is guilty before God for every person falls short of the required obedience to the Law (Rom. 3:23; James 2;10), He owes us nothing. (Dan. 4:35) In His benevolent grace and chosen mercy, He does aid humanity for He restrains judgment upon mankind in His supreme patience so that all who will hear can hear the Word of Reconciliation in the preaching of the gospel. As a result, this world is not as wicked as it could be through divine intervention. It is the purpose and joy of the church to bring the good news of His mercy found in Christ to a condemned race for ”He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.” (John 3:18)
Posted by ostrakinos 
There is much controversy in the church today about the gifts of the Spirit. Interestingly, those who advocate that the mode and operation of spiritual gifts has not changed since Pentecost primarily focus on the gift of tongues as their anointing litmus test. Yet, the apostle Paul says that tongues were low on the gifting totem pole (1 cor. 12:28-31; 14:5) and specifically that this supernatural ability was given temporarily to the church as a judgment sign to unbelievers (1 cor. 14;20-22) that the Lord had condemned and cut off Israel, just as He had promised in the days of Ephraim and Isaiah.
“They question me on why I don’t verify (these miracles),” Hinn says. “I answer, ‘God never called me to verify. I’m not a doctor.’” None of his comments even come close to echoing biblical fidelity. Hinn never preaches the gospel nor does he speak as a man of God. Instead, he preaches materialism wrapped in a slice of culture-Christ.
As Americans, we have abundant food resources that reflect the bounty of the Lord’s provision. Daily, we consume a wide variety of foods from whole wheat crackers and hickory grilled fish to bottled spring water and freshly squeezed juice. Our shelves and stores and warehouses and restaurants all testify to sufficient supply.
Yesterday was a unique numerical day. If I were inclined to love zany Zeitgeist theories and Van Impe fantasy tales, I would have taken out my binoculars and searched the horizon for an upside down Antichrist leaping from Harpo’s latest infomercial broadcast. Instead, I tuned into a virtual leadership conference called 
When in relational communication with others, we should seek to cultivate humility by understanding our inherent bias. (Jeremiah 17:9) None of us has perfect recall, especially when involved in conflict. (Proverbs 18:17) God requires that all facts be established by two and three witnesses; not a single account. (Deut. 19:5) And lastly, we should massage humility by being suspicious of ourselves, knowing that there are always three conversations – the one you heard, the one they heard and the one that actually took place. Rarely do they match.