Professor Saddle Bur

It’s been a long blog recess.

In the last year, since Michelle’s health condition requires an avalanche of co-pays and prescription costs; I began working as a manufacturer’s rep with a restaurant and hospitality supply organization.  On only a non-profit/church income our financial vessel became so tight that our home was waterproof. Compound that tightness with the current Obama-nation of Desolation in our land, and the trickles of support had created a serious dehydration effect.

I’ve learned plenty in the last five years.

Most of it coming through supreme aggravation and a sovereign two by four graciously applied to my forty-plus year old forehead.  The Divine woodshed is a mighty teacher.  God made me an extrovert who is energized by people and social interaction, but those same people can cause me to wince and repel, becoming burs under my saddle. I’ve come to further understand that my impatience with life and the burs is a reflection of a prideful heart that isn’t content with what God has given me.  It’s in the intensity of a purifying flame that I’ve come face to face with my own inadequacies and imperfections and my great need to turn my resentments into teaching moments; not just for myself but for others as well.  Through all of it, I’ve learned that grace is supreme.

The more I’ve been put down to the ground, the greater my compassion for those who are out. The more I’ve found people weak in areas where I’m strong, the greater my desire to instruct and impart rather than becoming resentful towards them. Gifts are to be used not as a club, but as an aid.

I live as a visionary with many hats and with that comes frustration, for the world rarely sees what I see and I constantly see what others are afraid to dream and few keep a steady, enduring pace.  Sometimes I admire the simpleton for with large gifting comes large responsibility. I continue to see my holes and cracks as He keeps a well-polished mirror in front of me.

Aloneness is a leader’s companion when he’s yet to fully understand; and I know I’m still in school.  Not biting off more than I can chew isn’t just a pithy slogan for me; it is a daily personal duty to restrain yet another thought developing down a newly inspired path.  If I were currently being raised under the pop-psych reign of terror, I’d be the ADD/ADHD poster boy for sure. However, I know that self-control and mental discipline go a long way in staying effective amidst the whirlwind.

So here I sit.

Grace and understanding grow in and through me as only He can bring about and wisdom’s spray mists where I’m planted. There is much to do, but I’m not so bent of driving it faster than I see it happening. I’m glad that His love is greater than my pride. I’m happy that His grace is ample. I’m ready to stay plodding the fields wherever that may take me.


About ostrakinos

Pastoral sojourner in the world. Raising up four daughters. Citizen of earth. Resident of heaven. Taking ten looks at Christ.

Posted on March 5, 2011, in Experiential / Application, Meditation/Reflections. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Great blog! You have a very special gift. The ability to effectively communicate to a wide audience is a gift that so many people lack. Keep it going!

  2. Thank you Charlie :)>

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