Battlefield Soliloquy

You ever feel like there is no use in trying to resolve something? Ever get to the point of wondering, "How will this all be shored up? How will what you see fully heal?" Working in this post-Katrina world sometimes pushes my sensibilities into that zone. So much to do, so few doing it. So many in need of Him. I begin to see a vision of -One door, two doors, three doors, five; thirty-thousand, forty-thousand…man alive! Green and white and black and swollen and ripped off in piles. How will this all be fixed? I see the faces and I hear the burdens.

I want to do more. I want to unzip my weary skin and battle the woes with my very bones, using them a weapons. Souls perishing and lives uprooted. Disease. Dispersion. Interruption. Upheaval. Death. Politics. The Psalms dance in my view.

“Save me, O God, for the waters have threatened my life. I have sunk in deep mire, and there is no foothold; I have come into deep waters, and a flood overflows me. I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched; my eyes fail while I wait for my God.” Psalm 69:1-3

I run up the misery tally and I am overwhelmed, then I remember that this is just one small spec on the vast sphere; a little piece of a much larger whole. I can never see sin as God sees sin nor will I ever fully understand the affects, yet they permeate every cranny of every part of every spec. If this local reminder crushes all that I am then how much more will the reality annihilate me? Even in the trench and stench He shines! His mercy endures forever. Our Father protects and shields us perfectly despite the fact that we feel as though we are bearing the full brunt.

I know I am in a sanctification class, but sometimes I want to switch majors. I know that I am being conformed, but sometimes the pain blocks my grace. That is when I need to have the cool reminders refresh my soul. Again the Psalmist's words enter.

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.” Psalm 46:1-3

God has provided our refuge and comfort and peace. Christ is our portion. O God, please help me to learn how to eat right even on the days when I have a low appetite.

“Whom have I in heaven but You? And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:25-26

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About ostrakinos

Pastoral sojourner in the world. Raising up four daughters. Citizen of earth. Resident of heaven. Taking ten looks at Christ.

Posted on June 24, 2006, in Experiential / Application, Meditation/Reflections. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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